So we have come to this part of our parenthood where our first born is already a tween (in between kid and teen). There were a lot of emotions flying all over the house for the past two years but last year has been the most challenging. From being easily irritated to non-compliance to “forgetfulness” to just plainly emotional and always on the verge of tears. Name it, we’ve seen all the emotions especially when she was (and still is) dealing with her little brother (who is already starting with his puberty stage…ugh. Times two it is!) But yes, we have not dreaded this stage even if we have read “horror” stories. Well, I guess we have our own “horror” story. Haha!

Anyway, raising teenagers can really be challenging, but there are several things you can do to help them navigate this stage of development:

1. Communicate openly and honestly with them. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings with you. This can be done by regularly asking your kids how their day went then the conversation will start from there.
2. Set clear boundaries and rules, but also allow them to have some autonomy and make their own decisions. This can be a bit tricky as to how much autonomy you will give them. But maybe you can start by giving them little by little autonomy, depending on how you see them handle different situations.
3. Show them love and affection, but also be prepared for them to push back against your authority. I know, I know, many parents nowadays are like best friends with their kids. But I also see kids who outright disrespect their parents because of this setup. Maybe for those parents, that’s ok. But for us (me and my husband), that’s absolutely a no no for us. Our kids need to respect us so that they will also respect our parents, our other relatives who are older than them.
4. Provide guidance and support, but also give them the space to learn from their own mistakes. Yes, us parents sometimes shield our kids from hurt but they will never learn if they do not ‘feel’ the pain of mistakes. Who will shield them when they are now in the ‘real’ world? We cannot always shield them, right? So it is best to train them to be strong whenever they face challenges and encourage them to accept their mistakes and learn from them so that they will prevent those mistakes from happening again.
5. Stay involved in their lives, but also give them the freedom to explore their own interests and passions. I can see parents who are almost not present in the lives of their kids and it makes me so sad for the kids. The kids need affection and guidance from us. Those are the basic needs that they should have. So parents, try as much as possible to spend more time with your kids and enjoy their growing up years. Those kids who have absentee parents, they tend to hate their parents because of that. So don’t let that happen.
6. Be a good role model, and lead by example with your own behavior and actions. Yup, we need to. We cannot tell them they are wrong if they see us doing those things. Practice what you preach, just what the old saying goes. Right? But first, we need to assess also what’s right and wrong. Sometimes, people do not have the same morals and standards. So be a good role model and always make our moral compass intact.
7. Encourage them to be independent and responsible. Some kids (or tweens) are just afraid to try something new because it is something outside their comfort zone. We, as parents, should be there to cheer them and explain to them the benefits of being independent and responsible.
8. Show an interest in their lives and be there for them during difficult times. Make your kids feel supported. During this time when they question everything, we need to be there to help them stand up whenever they fall. When we see them going to the wrong direction, be there and bring them back to the right path. Just be there in their lives.
9. Encourage them to be physically and mentally healthy. Even tweens need sunlight and fresh air, and physical activities. They may be too lazy to go out but physical activities can control their hormones and make them less ‘sad’. Sometimes, tweens and teens tend to overthink. We need to let them know that they are doing ok and they should not worry too much. They should not be anxious on things that should not be bothering them in the first place. Let them know that they should not do everything (even dropping their values) just to be accepted by others. They should be who they are (unless they really have an attitude to be corrected). Teach them that if others really care about them and love them, they should accept them as who they are. Otherwise, they are in the wrong group.
10. Respect their privacy and personal space. This is something some parents fail to understand. Sometimes, we think that it is ok to go through our kids’ things. And because we are their parents, sometimes they

Remember that every teenager is different, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s important to remain flexible and adjust your approach as needed. And this is what we always tell our first born when she asks why we handle them differently.

Parenting is like a trial-and-error thing. What works to our first born is not working with our second and third born. So we have to adjust our style from time to time (or depending on who is in front of us)