Yesterday marked the 15th year of my motherhood. I now have a 15-yo, 10-yo and a 5-yo. And how has it been?

I can say that I am still learning as a parent. Fifteen years may sound long, but every child is different…and every stage brings something new. The kids go through so many emotional changes throughout their childhood, and most of the time, parents just have to figure things out. There’s no single book that can truly teach you how to parent. Sure, there are self-help guides, but so much depends on your kids…and your sanity.

I often carry this fair share of guilt: not having enough time, attention, understanding, and patience. Working full time, doing voluntary work, homeschooling the kids…sometimes it all feels like too much. And in those moments, I have my low light that I often do mindless scrolling just to quiet my thoughts for a while.

But, I am learning. I am learning to navigate through my emotions and manage my stress. I am learning to take charge and not let negativity consume me. I am learning to make time for myself because I think that’s what I need. I am learning to let go of all unnecessary worries. Though I’m not yet there, but at least I have taken the initial step to go where I want to go…toward the person and parent that I want to become.

And so, I am writing again. Reading again. Writing poems again. Playing instruments (and teaching my kids) again. These things clear my mind and calm my anxiety. And when I’m full again, I can give more to my children…more time, attention, understanding and patience.

I am not an angry parent I was once. I am simply mother who has been overwhelmed, and is learning to be gentle with herself.